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And I want to tell you something- you are never a burden to me. Your needs are never a burden. Your wants are never a burden. Your feelings are never a burden. You can hurt right in front of me and that’s ok. I will be there for you and will not regret one second of the time I invest in supporting you and healing your pain.

I’m sorry that I don’t get you and your needs and feelings automatically. You are free to tell me. It is safe and I will not reject you. I’m sorry for all of your hurt, Elle. I wish for the day that you can cry on my shoulder, because I care about you.

You’re something else, Elle. You brighten my day. Never met anyone quite like you.

But you also suffer alone, so maybe I shouldn’t mention your suffering and leave that part to you

You seem to suffer a lot

Ok no problem

Messaging you to put you on the top of my list

Still on iggy

My phone is aggravating me

In the waiting room now

You’ll be happy to know when you come back that I made my brain scan

You take all the time you need. I know that I am intense. I will respect your need for space when you go through your stuff better in the future.

Meaning?

I'm going off Facebook for a while.

I am a good person 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I try harder to do what is right than anyone I have ever known. This is true when I’m on adderall and when I’m not.

I am going to chill on these messages to you and give you some space. I do have one thing to say

It won’t always be this intense. Times are hard but will get better after the brain scan.

I have inundated you with messages at a time where you likely needed some space and time for yourself. I thank you for all of your efforts and the energy you invest in me.

I’m in a good place at the moment

I am feeling joy at the moment. My heart injury appears to have run its course

You are wonderful Elle. I’m glad to have you as part of my life. I will do things that make you happy one day. You will see the strong side of me again.

I do best on one tablet a day

And I am going to fix this adderall situation

You are in a well of your own, I think

If you can

But let’s please talk soon

See what happens

I’m going to give it a bit before I send them my story and evidence

I’m giving the media thing a break

I need to do this desperately

Lets set up a time

Please let’s Skype

I'm not going anywhere

It's ok

It's 5am

No I'm going to bed

Not for good

You are not leaving are you

Calm your mind and breathe

Goodnight

I meant what I said

I got upset and it’s more friends that I’m talking about

Elle don’t do it

Don’t leave me elle

What do you mean

Well

I wish you wel

Sorry for your pain

And I am left to die in terrible sadness and despair

People who do nothing for me

Is friends who will not talk back to me

And what I get

How little I ask

And in place of the global economy falling, I would like for people to care about me, not make me suffer and not have to bum my poor family for money, to not have to Scrounge around for money for food while a bank sits on $150 billion

That’s how terrible this is

And the collapse of the global economy

A civil settlement of an enormous and hard to fathom amount

That price includes 100 + years of prison time

there is a fair price to be paid for what has been done to me

I am a dying man

when can we do this

I would like to skype very soon

and actually never mind

as honest as you are able

I would like for you to be honest with me

But I may

I am not sure that I will

You have nothing to say to me before I die?

You aren't alone

If you are busy with your own stuff, I understand

I need you so that I’m not alone

And I need you

Does not mean that I won’t

That I haven’t died yet

And I said it because I am a dying man

I have said this all along

But Elle I am likely to die

I was feeling like a million bucks on one

I was taking too much

You were right

I am dying from stress

Please do not say that

1 adderall does me good

That is not the case

You are a better person when you aren't on aderol. It's a shame you need to take it.

In a world where trying to be a good person is apparently a handicap

Who was murdered because he tried too hard to be a good person and to make something of his life

I want people to remember this kind hearted man

I don’t want to die with the wrong view taken of me

I am a very kind hearted and caring person

I would not make her film pornos with my side bitch, for instance

If I had some nice woman who really did care for me

I had a derisory attitude when I said that

And they made me sound much more shallow and rotten than I really am

I said things that would make me seem to be very shallow and kind of rotten

But when we talked first

And I’ve already said this

But the main thing I want you to know

I am too weak to think of my final words for you

I cannot tell you the pain that I am in

But I am intensely hoping that I die at the moment

I am going to keep fighting as long as I live

And I want to die very badly

I am almost dead

Or may not get around to saying it

You have nothing to say

You may want to say it

But still if you have something to say

I am thinking that most likely I will live through tonight

You’ve barely known me. So I wouldn’t expect much. But you have been a positive thing in my life

I mean I am about to fall
Over right now

If you have anything you wish to say to me, in that circumstance, I’ll let you go first

I am that much more weak today

I am likely to die at any time

I had to miss it again

My fight is about to be over.

I am going to die

Brain scan is tomorrow

They seem to be leaving lasting damage each time

I keep getting these temporary stress injuries to my heart

I think I will make it

But I need help cause I’m about over

One of them will get me one day

I won’t survive every one of these

I’ve got broken heart syndrome again

I am extremely weak

And this is assuming that I live through tonight

I have to get some help

In mass

I am in a dire situation and may end up contacting the media

I’ve got this feeling again

Elle I may die tonight

No better way to suffer than alone right

Alone as usual

Yep just going through some of my own shit.

Elle do you want to talk anymore. You’ve been M.I.A. and I’m not sure if you’re busy or just don’t want to talk.

I’m back on adderall on a reduced dose

^im jk. Don’t let this rev you up

I’m getting sick of sending you messages and not getting a reply

Next Tuesday. It’s Monday today

June 1st

Hopefully they will have one available soon

I’m going to schedule a brain scan either today or tomorrow

And I hope you are getting along well, beautiful woman. You are wonderful and do not forget that

Accident

Elle missed your call.

You are apparently extremely busy

Sorry to bleed all over you the other day

She is poor

My aunt is paying for my brain scan down payment

Life is going to go to shit for me I’m afraid

I am extremely stressed out

But it is true

Sorry to say such sad sounding stuff

I wish that I would die in my sleep

I want to die very badly

Just so you know

I am extremely weak Elle

Miss Elle Tsakiris seems to be awfully busy

You like my joke?

They’re all stuck up bitches

Do you know why tampons never talk back to you?

Talk to me baby

?

Have you ever been on the cover of a magazine

That tends to create a lot of self consciousness

You have body dysmorphia, you have said

Being on both sides

I suppose I know what it's like

Where you see women on magazine covers and feel like you do not measure up

I imagine you have this same self consciousness

Because you are a human being and not a magazine cover

It’s like you have to settle for being a beautiful human being

They are every bit as make believe as the wizard of oz

And my point is that those women are not real women

By comparing themselves to the women on magazine covers

Women beat themselves to death

Well it’s this self loathing

What do you mean

Context

I do but Wut?

You don’t get it?

Huh

🧐

The women on magazine covers are not women, they are magazine covers

Stop comparing yourself to the women on magazine covers

Here is my advice for women

A very active mind and a lot of energy

You seem to have the profile of a gifted person

If I get better

When I am better

I will teach you some time

Hell yeah

Me?

Just curious

Do you think you would ever want to learn how to program websites

AGAIN

I had to cancel

did you read my other messages

I’m trying

Yes duh

Do you still want me to get a brain scan?

There is a book called Eccentrics by David weeks. That book pegs me better than anything. Sense of humour included

Or I should say humour

I’ve got a very quirky sense of humor

I have a pool table 115 miles from here

🙄

Yes that’s terrible

“If this plane crashes, I want you to eat me”

So that I can tell you

Like ever

Never get to play with it much 😔

I want us to fly away somewhere

You did well

😀

Just wanted to show off a little

Well I'll be damned

Cunt fuckery you say

Is that what you play 8 ball with

But back to this cunt fuckery that you’re up to

I may merely need to google. I’m possibly already famous and just don’t know it yet

Well isn’t that special

😆

I wish I had saved that dick pick. The light was hitting it just right. I’ll never duplicate that effect

“LBDW LLC”

Send it over

Hooray

Been wanting to show you my pink thing 😁

She was telling me about a company she was working on

Omggg that reminds me

She was fucking with me though

Dart

Except when you send a dic pick

Yes

Dongle?

D could be anything

So fair enough. I have no imagination either

She was laughing at me

And actually it took me a minute to get this too

Go ahead “what’s d”

D

Big

Have an imagination

God damn it woman

🧐 wat bd

Williams

Bd

Leonard

WhTs lbdw?

Lol

You're bored

Wtf

🤣😵‍💫

NyQuil is the only friend I’ve ever had that never did me wrong

Including taking a sip of NyQuil

I’m doing my bedtime ritual

She used manipulation tactics

Nicknamed*

And subsequently nick named me “LBDW”

My ex gf conned me out of one

Do you want a dick pic?

Early to rise early in the sack thank god I’m a country boy

Sounds good

Talk soon.

4am

Sorry I should not be so needy

If you don’t have time I understand

Elle I know you are busy but so you know I am feeling very alone and could really use someone to talk to.

Do you still want me to get a brain scan?

Rescheduling ASAP. This is driving me batshit insane. Hope you enjoy the novel I have typed for you over the past few days

Again

We don’t have the money

My moms account was hacked

God fucking damn it

We’re going to have to reschedule again

God damn it

I’m ready to freaking scream

It’s brain scan day

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition” ~ Timothy Leary

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'" ~ Jack Kerouac

Instead I will leave you a quote or two

You seem to be too busy to do anything

Or actually let’s not

Let’s set up a time to Skype again

Sent you another email

I need her to not back out or she's going to damn near kill me again

she seems certain

my mother seems to think she has the money now

I've been stressed to death over this MRI and the money

that's a nice gorilla

My pocket again

Elle missed your call.

^I typed this from my pocket and decided to keep it

I ill li lll lo olio o o lo p lo lo lo a

I think we’ve got the brain scan covered

I’m going to work it out somehow

😮‍💨

I’m thinking I may call them and see if I can pay after the fact

Trying to get this MRI settled for Friday. It’s Tuesday. My mother needs to come up with $250 to pay for the down payment. She’s got all kinds of things in her way. I will make it one way or another.

That’s a project I’ve been on for a little over a year

Will look

And If I’m smothering you let me know. I do not have many people to talk to

Let me show you my Facebook UI.

You’re a busy woman

You closed your account again?

There is still a lot I am limited in. But this is an improvement

I will be able to do things that normal people do, just not as much

But not nearly as much

I will be limited some

I never realized how much worse adderall was making me

You name it

Clubs

I can go to sit down restaurants

Just about

I can live a life like anyone else

This is amazing

If you could move to the U.S. what state would you like to live in most? Do you have a pick?

I don’t feel like I’m going to die

And I felt how it would be

But the other night I nearly died several times

What I’m saying here is that before I did not fear death

But I don’t care

Given my new habit may be short lived

That replaces one habit with another

I’m tough as hell Amiga

The way to do this is to tough it out

Hell no

Well, can you take a Valium

You have a prime minister

I don’t know who your president is because you don’t have one

Scott

Is his first name Andrew

I find that the longer the day goes the more intense they are

Withdrawals somewhat less intense today

I’m now terrified of dying

I’m getting there

There we go

Scomo

I don’t know your presidents name

Groupy

You are up in our business

I’d have trouble naming one single criminal from AU

Yes I’ve got to get used to this

Being the president of the United States of America talks too

Of course I know dude

He is a billionaire sex trafficker

Yes because money talks

Duh

🧐

🤷🏻‍♀️

No who's that?

Our government took his side over thr victims and gave his coconspirators immunity

Often it's a mentally ill person or drug psychotic person who had been on the watch list or refused proper mental treatment because of lack of beds in a psych ward etc

If society was better at dealing with mental illness then many of those crimes wouldn't happen

Have you heard of Jeff Epstein

They are to a large degree above the law

There are many systemic failures that occur before the time comes when Crimea like that happen

In the US it is partly because the rich are not prosecuted

And that sucks

Yes prisons are full of people from disadvantaged circumstances

Is society was better equipped for prevention

Every mental faculty intact

But

But

But

I did not say that some people need to be removed

Knowingly

Yes

Both of those things are big fat flops

We have people in the us who have thrown live infants in a bonfire

"Rehabilitation "

"Justice"

There is retribution

It is also about justice

There is more to it than deterrent

It's as simple as that

Prisons are full of people with childhood trauma

The thing is Leonard, if society was different, more equal and more just then there would be less crime.

The prisons are packed with "moral " offenders. Those who haven't confirmed to the set ethnocentric, christian judeo norms. And yes agreed there are some that really need to be removed from society but I ask you this, incarceration isn't working as a deterrent if it was, why is there still crime?

There are people who deserve it

Is how people are unjustly convicted and executed

But what has gotten as of recent

Meaning they execute mentally retarded, poor, etc people too much

I’ve never liked some of the ways it is carried out

It’s only as of recent that I have questioned the death penalty

Jk

Don’t impose on me like that

Going to add you to another group I admin

In the near term future. Still withdrawing a little bit

And I need to help you with your work some more

Brain scan 5/14/2021

With this new medication regimen I can have a much closer to normal lif

Did you like that song

I had broken heart syndrome

My heart condition caused that

You say that you can’t think about yourself 24/7. I spent a lot of my life not thinking of myself 24/7.

That episode last night was straight out of hell

Or had been

Lol

I was asleep

Much prefer you saying that then you are dying though

Go sleep. Lol

I am so incredibly weak and needy

That makes me happy

I’m setting up a brain scan ASAP

It’s terrible

Having an episode

^these are two of the most beautifully in love people I’ve ever seen

Maybe you like it

Let me find you this song

The withdrawal didn’t last too long

several months ago

I quit taking it once already

It may not be that hard

Well, understandably. You need to regain control of your free will and autonomy. Which aderol has taken. Things can and will get better. There is always advancements in science and medicine. Best give it a chance. It's not going to be easy to get off the aderol. I hope you're prepared for that and have a plan in place. Short term pain and suffering for long term gain

I get so sick of suffering

It is not easy

Indeed. It's not easy. But being human isn't easy. And don't extend our sympathies far enough.

God bless the women of the world

“Learn that you are disposable”

That is depressing

Yes and you do not learn money management skills along the way or a healthy self esteem. You learn that everything is disposable including yourself

It’s too hard to make enough money in your 20s and 30s to fund your entire life

I’d say that 95% of models end up broke if they don’t find another career

And it’s a trap too

Yes you are very beautify without all of that

That you have that condition

That's why I had to stop modelling fulltime because my mental health was suffering. Plus I'm just not vain and narcissistic enough to take myself that seriously and think about myself 24/7 like you have to

I’m sorry for that

You are beautiful without makuep

Yes and let me tell you about your body dysmorphia

Like to say that being a model was like torture

Was yes

Would you say that is accurate?

I have body dismorohia though

Like a typical tortured model

I did

Sounds like

You went to extreme lengths to lose weight

They don't prescribe aderol for ptsd

Yes

PTSD makes me feel like I want to die

I know and anohetamines pump your fight or flight. Your adrenaline etc etc you know this

Caused by stress

And then I had a heart condition for a few days

PTSD causes that

Yes

But surely being sleepy is better than feeling like you're dying

So I don’t need to get out of bed super early

I don’t work anymore

Well I don't know what it is for the other medication

But it doesn’t matter now

Yes and you poor women

It’s the only one that works

Same shit at aderol

Dexamphetamines

I’ve tried every one on the market

That’s the problem

Well you need to get a nee medication that doesn't have such a sedative effect

Dexis?

And I couldn’t get up out of bed

Dude I've been there with dexis myself. For weight loss

But one of my meds causes profound sedation

Yes I’m sorry

Read the last half

I take it for attention and also to combat sedation

I know that it is

Didn't you read the last half

It is legal btw

Yes and I think that this medicine makes it worse every bit as much as it makes it better

I hope you follow through with it. I'm glad you've come to this understanding. It's nothing to be ashamed about people with trauma and enduring mental health problems often resort to self medicating with illegal drugs. And the system is not designed to help. And society is not equipped to help. So they get stigmatised and ostracised. And their lives that could have been saved, get lost. It's no different when the drugs are legal and making some pharmaceutical big Corp loaded while destroying the lives of others who become dependent. There are other options now to help your condition. Ones that won't destroy your life or the lives of those who love you

I am very weak atm

But this is my ticket to a more normal life, I think

I probably won’t go to bed until 11 or later

It is 7 Pm

Hopefully you will have a good sleep

I just tossed my bottle that had my remaining 4 capsules. I tossed it and them into the dumpster

If you’re talking about this thing with my mother, I would need to debrief you on the situation with her. I can’t put into words how sad it is.

You are right. Adderall is making my symptoms worse. I am on day 2 with no adderall. Withdrawals are terrible but will go away. I feel like I can have a mostly normal life once I’m off of this

I am resilient and good at suffering

I can make it happen, whatever needs to happen

Despite my condition, I will do whatever it takes to be a good friend to you

And I hope we haven’t had some sort of misunderstanding

Sorry for being needy

Will you please let me know you have not abandoned me, any way that you can

It’s very interesting to me just how much your country keeps up with what’s going on in my country

Sorry for being needy

Can you send me a heart or some flowers

And for some reason worried that you have abandoned me

I’m suffering right now

What has you so busy

It helps but also hurts

I think I will probably discontinue Adderall

I’m thinking your way now

About what

What do you mean

I don’t know how to reason about this situation with my mother

When I’m in the media, it’s going to crush people’s soul

I’m heartbroken by the situation with my poor mother

You’re busy so I’ll just tell you

Scratch that. You don’t have time

But I could use someone to talk to

Probably not

I have no idea if you have time

I figured it out

I have broken heart syndrome

Why so quiet ?

But I’m not going to this hospital

I think there is something else going on

Back at apt

Paramedic says vitals are fine

Going to er

What do you think I need to do? What should be my priority? Getting a brain scan?

I am extremely weak

Not now

I’m not going to a doctor

I’m going to go to a doctor

I’m not sure if I am going to make it much longer

It’s looking like my fight may be lost

Or day

How is your night sweetheart

I will die

Do not contact a doctor

Why have you been arguing with your mum

It really sounds like you need a doctor

Would you like me to contact a doctor to come see you

Arguing with my mother was what put me here

And peoples words can do it at times

I have nearly died or wavered towards death dozens of times the past several days

And I apologize if I have hurt your feelings

Anger

I guess that is accurate

I’m not angry exactly

Why don't you have a rest then. Getting angry at me for replying to you the wrong way isn't good for anything.

I wasn't fighting with you.

I’m going to die

Please do not fight with me

My system is about to shut down

I’m dying on and off as I type
This

And I have known the entire time what I need to win my fight

I am a dying man

But the situation is that i am living a nightmare

You mean well

Please don’t argue with me

How dare you not care what I say. I’m dying. I need this medication for multiple reasons.

I don’t mean to be mean but that’s literally how I feel when I see this. I need people to really care what I say.

I’m starting to waver and almost die again.

And I’ve pleaded with people to help me

I am suffering and have been suffering

I don’t care what someone else says

So this “I say adderall helps me. And someone else says that it doesn’t”

Is listen to me and to do what I ask of them

and what I’ve needed people to do the whole time

And I know very well what helps

My nightmare is not make believe

Please never say this again

We have always agreed on this

And you have survived what others could not imagine

I know you are enduring

Just think aderol isn't helping you like you think it is

I am not diminishing your situation

Not better

But I think aderol only makes it's worse

I understand you are in a world of suffering

I care about you and wasn't diminishing your pain by any means at all

Don't take me the wrong way please

Hey I didn't mean that in a bad way. I meant it in a medical way. I wasn't haven't a crack at you. You would be better off without this shit in your system. I don't care what you say it's no good for you.

Because that’s where I am

Picture me on my deathbed as you speak to me

Like I’m worth something and it’s the end of my life

I ask that you treat me with dignity as I am dying

It would have been enough to kill me

If I had saw your last message at a different time

May be the last words that I ever hear from anyone

And remember that every sentence you type

Just please don’t ever say anything like that again

I unblocked you

You are just a serious threat to my well-being right now

Please don’t abandon me

When I come back I will need you

I’m going to have to temporarily block you. Please understand I mean nothing by it.

God damn it

You have murdered me

Anything negative you say to me will cause me to die

I’m not fighting

Resist any temptation to fight back

Please understand this is not personal

And my survival is about to be over

I have survived a massacre that no one else could have

Please never say that again

I do not need to detox anything

God

Anything contrary to me is going to kill me

For people to do what I ask

I need support

I am dying

You are speaking to a man who is about to die

To tell me that I’m doing anything wrong

Please do not say anything to fight me

Please do not abandon me over what I am saying

You have damn near killed me

Don’t take this as personal

You have no idea what you just did to me

I’m on the verge of death

Please don’t say anything else

God damn it

Please stop

You are going to kill me

Don’t say that

You really need to detox off that shit

As I keep almost dying

I’m getting hit with Sheer terror over and over

I’m repeatedly dying

And we didn’t have the money

They didn’t tell me that it would cost upfront until the day before

So that we can pay for it

so my mother has to get money

And it costs money

My insurance wouldn’t cover it

I don't understand why you cancelled your scan

It has less meaning to someone who has not lived my life

I have no idea what you will make of it

I already sent

You let me know when you've sent

And to me it is profound as well

But the backstory helps

It cannot be put into words

When I see this poor boy come up to my dads coffin

It was the most profound thing ever to happen to me at this time

But I want to share it with you

I don’t know

It may not mean much to you

I got mixed up on when it starts

Send to you from phone last night

So I had the draft in my emails

But decided not to because it is too irrelevant and too much a tangent

I had these to send to the justice people here

It is number 16 when my greatest lesson starts

I’m going over those audios

I’m wavering right now

That is the reality we face

Amiga I’m going to be dead in not many days

I’m sad for me too

You are struggling

😞 I'm just sad for you

And this is what I need or I will die

I cannot fight with anyone.

Please

Do not say anything contrary

🙁

I’ve had this reaction to things several times this month

Somehow my condition has worn me down such that I cannot take stress like this

I will die

Because if she doesn’t go along with exactly what I say

I’m scared to talk to her

I will die

And she says no

If I ask her

It’s not wavering as much today

My system wavers

I’m slowly recovering but am about to die still today

And I cannot take any more

I am extremely weak

But it nearly killed me

She would not even consider it an argument

It wasn’t a big argument at all

I argued with her the other night

I will die

But if people argue with me

And I’m also going to ask my hospital if she cannot

I’m asking my mother to get some

And now I will not make it to my next refill date

I have also taken extras

It causes my supply to run out faster than the 30 days I have

And I take adderall every day

And when my days last less than 24 hours

Due to weakness

I have had short days

And I’m about to run out

It is the only thing that helps me

I need to get more adderall

What kind of help do you need

And that will be the death of me

And I’m not going to get it when I ask

But I need help

I’m still recovering

And I had a feeling of sheer terror

My body and mind knew that it was about to die

It’s like I get hits with a wave and my system starts to shut down

The other night I nearly died several times

And maybe not even Acute stressors

Such that acute stressors in life now cause me to feel like I’m going to die

Somehow my condition has worn me down

I’m very likely going to die

Elle sent an attachment.

I hope you're ok and I know you're fighting

You are a good human

I'm proud of you for being so strong

Are you ok?

What happened??

And it has been for the sake of nothing I am afraid

I have strived so hard

It explains some of the same thing

But I never did

Intended to go on my dads picture

And also a thing I made for Facebook

I want to share them with you

Especially in terms of being a moral human being

These describe the most profound experiences of my life

I have some audios about the lessons I have learned

And I still do

I struggled with what it means to be a human being for decades

I have tried my hardest to be a good person for my entire life

It is quite possible that I die of natural causes in the near term future. I may not even make it through tonight

Going to send you an email

I am sending you something

And please don’t give on of those thumbs up

So the safe route is not to talk to me

And the least little thing that I hear that is contrary or that I don’t agree with will kill me

I am almost dead

Best not to talk to me for a few more days actually

I am extremely weak

Please do not say anything contrary or to minimize my condition

I almost died several times last night

I want you to tell me something

Episode is autocorrector

You done

?

50% of grade

50% episode?

How are you

🌼🌼🌼

Please message me

I am in unbearable pain

Will you please message me

It’s been a long time and I’m just worried. I am suffering extremely.

Elle can you check in to let me know you still are talking to me

Elle I miss you. I hope your assignment is going well.

And I’ve got some stuff to discharge from my mind if and when you have time to talk

I have no one to talk to except you and the National media

This battle with my former employer has gotten way out of control and is causing problems

Your response was fine

and I don't know when you're joking

where you don';t know when I'm joking

We have this thing

I hope your birthday was good

I talk to the media every day

For your birthday present I will be happy to help you with your assignment

Ms. Still Young and Beautiful

Happy birthday

Just being fun

I was being lighthearted not mean

It's my birthday I have an assignment worth 50% of my mark. Please. I'm not in the mood

You’re doing all the talkin. You need to let me do some of the talkin

She’s going to get some money so that we can reschedule

My mother can’t afford it at the moment and insurance won’t pay

I had to cancel my brain scan

What I have to avoid is any potential situation where someone provokes me

I’m fit to be around people

At least at this place when it’s not busy

For breakfast

I’ve been eating at IHOP

How is uni

Who cares

But you are right

Something I am missing

This doesn’t make sense to me

Why does matter ?

I don't know who cares?

What does that have to do with it

It's owned by Rupert Murdock

How?

Sky news is owned by Murdock as is fox

Everyone knows about Fox News

And how do you know about Fox News?

Things are not good for me

So your left leaning media do not give a shit about the U.S.?

They are essentially same team owner as fox I think Murdock?

Country*

I mean nothing that happens elsewhere is a concern unless it is of major significance to our county or the world

Like if the president of AU makes some gaffe

we are ignorant of other countries

in the U.S. the news almost never talks about minute details of what happens in other countries

but it is just funny how they report on us

yes

Fox News of aus

Only the right like them

Yes they are the conservative news

This Sky News Australia seems to keep up with everything that goes on here

It’s very interesting how much your news media covers America

I am extremely unwell

I am worried about the gcm at my MRI

I am pulverized

I think it is likely that some evidence will be shown

But I am profoundly injured

It is rare that a mri will do this for people with my condition

I think it is likely to document my condition

Which by the way/

But it will rule out other causes

But it is not guaranteed to document my condition

I am glad yes

Excited for scan?? I'm really happy about it

Yep

I am sure that you can feel it. The loss of energy and the changing of interests.

I guess I still do, but it’s kind of different now that I’m disabled

And I used to miss the energy I had at age 20

We could all be younger

A curse

But it is

You are young my love

I couldny sustain it

It’s like a curse

But, I'm not young anymore

You’ve found the same thing?

Indeed

What happens is the slack asses get away with murder and they work the hard workers to death

At the workplace especially

This quality makes life hard. I sort of have the same thing

Good chance I could teach some of your professors a thing or two

Relative to most

I’m also very versed in psychology

Old me did

Yes - I have an automatic urge to compensate for shit people by doing more

I don’t put effort into it

I have a quality where I pick up on how people work very fast and it’s automatic for the most part

Right. I'm a detective too but I don't like to be because it's a spiral

And you are sort of interesting

That’s the answer

You aren't going to die. You won't die on me. Because I can't handle a friend dying. So if you could not die I'd appreciate it a lot

I’m a detective and we appreciate values

I mean, I appreciate but at the same time, not many people notice these qualities. As in, I've been this way my whole life maybe moreso in the past - I'm old cynical and tired now so I've not the energy to be super host, but still, it's not often anyone ever notices so... either you are a detective, I am more interesting and peculiar than I realise I am, or there are certain values that we both might appreciate and recognise

I am very worried that I’m going to die

I do this kind of automatically

You make an effort to give back

And if someone gives to you

And you are someone who has a giving nature

Yes I am just good at reading people and picking up on how they work

Like when a nanna will say, you are the best singer


(She's deaf but you believe it)

Maybe but not in this case

It says something good about you

Cos you're my friend

But I wonder if you are biased

Biased?

I know that... in others.
But if I were to conform to others standards I would probably disappoint myself like others can do by their standards

I am complimenting you on good qualities that you have

But others do not always make a point to treat them that way

Are you biases?

Yes they are

And it reflects an attitude of gratefulness and a giving nature

But they are

You treat people like they are worth something

You are very kind in doing that

You are not doing anything wrong

Ok. I wing it. And am not formally trained on I don't know anything formal 🤷🏻‍♀️

And I just feel bad if I acknowledge some and not others. Although sometimes it is impossible to avoid but I try not to. If people have made the effort to comment, I just don't want to leave them hanging. But again I'm applying my own intrinsic ethical standards which might not be the academic way and you should tell me if I am doing something wrong or poorly

And FYI, I think you are intelligent

No it is very considerate

Of this month

Brain scan is on the 23rd

And making conversation

I was just curious about you

My tone where?

Also, I find your tone kind of condescending. Giving you the benefit of the doubt here but it comes across as pretty passive aggressive.

But lucky you have a large cognitive library to pick from and a bug empathetic nature along with emotional intelligence so I know you can hold your own in a sophisticated tolerant discourse

I don't identify as intelligent at all. Hyper Curious and somewhat overly verbose perhaps. But the thought of flexing any intellectual muscle never crossed my mind. I don't think I have one.
I'd like one. That would be ideal.

Is this the wrong thing to do?

Lol. Funny.

Correct

I mean driving me apeshit

This guy is annoying

You need to check out my debate on your thread about procreation

Why is it that you join so many forums and have so much you want to say? You like to flex your intellectual muscles? You seem to place a lot of value on what you have to say (if you do, we have this in common)

No one or not many people are allowed to be invisible

I notice that in every post you make, you give each person some recognition

You are very considerate

but if you post your own post, it doesn't show an update for me that you have posted

if you like or reply to my comments or posts, then I get one